First true love stays

I just spoke to Sterling, and after speaking to him I sobbed my fucking arse off, and I couldn't believe I did that considering the fact I dumped him.

Why?

Cause he's got a new woman he's gonna be married to.

:`(

I told him nevertheless I'm happy and all and then I broke down uncontrollably and hung up on him.
You can't help but sometimes have a lil tinge of jealousy when your significant other moves on after a heartbreaking affair with you. I guess its true then, you dump someone, they cry hard, you cry harder eventually. I am honestly happy, but deep down in me, I;ve always got a soft spot for him. And I will always have, because the passion and love you've had for each other is still there. And it was our first true relationship so it was a bit hard to accept after 3 years since we've both moved on. He took longer to recover and now that he told me he's got a lovely woman to support him in eveything, I feel......lost..guilty...and above all, fucking bitchy. He still loves me, he told me. It was a terribly hard moment. I felt like hugging him again, but I am in no situation to rob his freedom away, anymore. I guess I'll just love him, and miss him, becauSE I know, we would never ever see each other again. I wish we could..

Iris by Gooo Goo Dolls is a love token by Sterling to me. Listening to it makes me sob like never before.

It was my frist true love, and I dont know who else I could confide to besides blogging about it. I can't tell Nick cause he would get upset although i know deep down that he cares about how I felt towards him(Sterling) and we've had our share of upsetting events lately, this would be the last thing to add salt to his wounds.

It's really hard but its time to gather myself and move on.

Listening to: Scorpinos - Here I am(for Sterling)

Happy birthday, to the friend I paling sayang in the course of 4 years

That's you, Jasmine Lai! Many happy returns of the day! Me lurves you :)
Things may have changed, but I do feel the same way about our friendship. Through thick and thin we were there for each other. I wish that sometimes I could tolerate and not be so selfish to one another..and I do really wish, I could turn back time, to experience back what we've used to do..all the sneaky mischiefs we used to accomplish. Talking about the best times of my college-uni years. :) Blogging about it makes me so numb as a result of a thousand dosages of anaeathethics. :( I wish you all the best in EVERYTHING you do....and I'll miss you, and love you forever.

______________________________________

My bf in a nutshell:-

Dar: Dear, do you believe in karma?
Nick: Of course I do, is it that very aromatic herb to make beautiful curries?
Dar: NOOOOOOOO SILLY!!!! THAT'S KURMA...KARMA DEAR, KARMMMAAAA...LAW OF LIFE???
Nick: Ah........yeah..........

Firstly, you don't believe in food, you just eat it!
________________________________________

Speaking of karma, I've got a story to tell. Well after hearing it I thought it was really creepy and the hidden superstition in me, I started believing it...

It's funny how both my mum's oldest brothers' wives are suffering from cancer at the same time, so one of my aunts actually went to see a Buddhist monk, explaining the prob. Having said the prob through and through, the monk asked if there are any family members who are/were drug addicts? There was, which was my deceased uncle. But my aunt lied and said a big NO. And she asked, why? And the Buddhist monk said, well if you had a drug addict in the family before, his oldest siblings was supposed to take care of him until his last breath, but they didnt. So the penalty for that is that their wives have to bear the brunt of his mishap as a drug addict(in the form of suffering incurable cancer), for not offering the support he needed at least as a human, and afterall you are his brother. You didnt help your dying brother, so you should feel the pain now. And my aunt was my uncle's life. sooo....there you go.

Arrogance does not get you anywhere. Be humble. Help EVERYONE you know who are in need. Respect your family....cos karma afterall is.........TRUE..


Cheerios xx

Went to Zouk last night for the Pure Ibiza event and suffice to say that I do not want to ruin a good night out with crap.....go figure what the crap is.
Things have escalated to a point where I was pretty uncomfortable, but me being a former two-timing slut, I felt my skin has regenerated 500 layers more..what a load of barmy! No pics for that night (like I wanted to take any). For once I'm glad my sister took the camera with her for a function.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Its just those long days where I'll sob at anything that provokes melancholic sentiments (thinking about children in Africa, seeing people suffer in domestic violence, children without parents, curelty to animals, etc. ). It may come as a shock to the masses that I actually do think of how to make sufferers suffer to the minimal level. I always do, so deep down my harsh mentality and conscience so tough a cement truck cant bulldoze it, there is about 0.1% of soft spot in me for mankind, for humanity, for justice and peace. For the better of all.

________________________________________________________________________________

I've been battling out on alot of conflicts it's making me tired, sick, and above all , nonchalant. Sometimes I just want to make a resolution true - to devote my life for the spiritual land of Tibet, think celibacy, vegetarian to the core, dang. Some poeple find it pure, enjoyable, when your paths are sorted out well. The people like me, dwindling about in circles, not knowing what to achieve, tend to lose hard..and bad.

Scribbling connundrums of nothings doesnt help you but give you that moment - of escapism. Not being in reality. Its pretty cool :)

I'll keep scribbling..
And scribbling...
and scribbling...