comparisons

prompted by deb's blog spot about being in malaysia...
what I like about england:-

• apart from the chavs, people are actually very courteous in this country. for example, if you're about to pay for parking at a parking spot, there'll always be someone else who still has vailidity in their parking ticket and would never fail to offer you to have their parking ticket because they are about to leave.
  
• the shopping. having been here i think shopping here is so much better.
• the fact little luxuries REALLY dont cost you a fortune
• anonymity - you can do whatever you feel like doing without people judging you. i can walk around with my big curly unkempt hair without people looking at me and thinking im a hobo or jakun or something
• the countryside. I know some villages in malaysia are drop dead gorgeous, but the countryside really feels like being in a fairy tale.
• fairy tale castles
• old chruches and the fact national heritage from centuries are still been preserved
• gardens in the summer
• flowers
  
• snow during winter, and white, mellow christmas
• the assortment of cheese
  
• environmental friendly people
  
• one of a few few foreign countries that dont make you go all homesick. its not the fact that there are so many foreign people though.
  
• fruit cider
• getting a £16 return flight to norway for the weekend (all taxes included)
  
• countryside pubs
• dogs - most loved dogs come from the british aisles anyway, think border collies, beagles, sheepdogs, etc.
• sainsburys, waitrose, and m&s - nothing ever EVER beat these 3 supermarkets
• desserts!!!
• sky TV
  

what I hate about england

• the government being too kind to fake asylum seekers and fucking chavvy single mothers
• the next generation, hopeless and unreliable
• asbos
• narrow roads make it terrible to drive
  
• well mainly, the government
• only 8 days of public holidays for the year
• the weather sometimes
  

what I love and hate about malaysia

• my parents and friends
• mamak food
• festival open houses despite the crowd
• well basically what deb said in her post. too lazy to write down

Bah its too early I'm going to bed. Just blogging nonsensically to let everybody know that I am still alive :))

My current fetish

He is my perfectly symmetrical snowflake. Enough said! He's Matt Lanter btw. I had a really wild dream of us getting it on..and I never looked back. The voice, the body, aaarrrggghh!!
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On a bleaker note, I had a terrible week at work. Fucking boss finally smothered me with her true colours - she is a moronic, schizophrenic, control freak ultra psychopath of a bitch who has nothing but jealously, spite, and cruelty..sheer cruelty in her. I just can't bloody wait to finish my notice period. Why does it have to be a long fucking 6 weeks?! All I can say is I've never ever EVER met or known someone who has got such a cruel heart. She is so two faced she is even more evil than Gollum (when Smeagol turns to Gollum anyway) AND everyone at fucking Nursebank should fucking die as well! All I can say is if I was a manager I wouldnt let my junior colleagues who want to move on top of the career ladder be treated the way I was treated by my boss. My dad suggested I send a picture of my boss so he could ask his Malay friends to cast some black magic on her. LOL. i heart my dad.
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On a brighter note, I'm going snowball fighting with my dearest nephew and then I'm off to see Ms Charlotte Wong in Manchester for some dim sum and sushi. I felt bad for letting Nick stay at home last night. I should've gone bowling last night with his friends so I cna imagine that every spin of the ball is fucking boss's head hitting all 10 pins down a strike and about a hundred ore rounds after that. She'd be dead meat!

That's all folks! Have an amazing day/week ahead all of you readers!

I'm freeeeee finally!

Well as in, finally I have found the time and and eliminated my 'cant be arsed' attitude towards blogging.
I left readers previously with my confusion and dilemma towards my current workplace but now, I have found the light at the end of the tunnel.
I am still working for the same NHS Trust, but with a better job and better pay! Being so tired from all the kicking in the teeth that my fucking fat boss is giving me at Clinical coding, I looked up our weekly bulletin for temporary jobs/secondments within the Trust. I saw an opening as a project assistant in Strategic Planning & Development in the Women & Children Board, so I went to the Project Leader's office for a chat. Suffice to say she liked me and immediately turned that temporary opening to a permanent one! Yay me! So yeah Jasmine, I do the same thing as you now, but I do projects for Gynaeology, Obstetrics, and things LOL. Still not as glam and cool as yours, but its better than reading about dead people all the time. so it's ok! :)
My second job is still this fucking job at Coding, because it takes someone 4-5 months to be recruited from one post to another in a ccompany that employs 12,000 people. What with all the police checks and all again! le sigh...
My third job.....in a daycare centre. I am eventually planning to embark on a childcare career because it is soooo nice to work with children. AND. the money is comparable of those who work in multi-million pounds financial institutions. PLUS i get more holidays and I am eligible for my own home all paid by the government for providing this service. so yeah. It's as though I've had an epiphany..all these are finally coming in with sheer clarity. So fingers crossed for me that it all works well!
My sister is getting married in September so I'll be back in Malaysia for that.
Now that I'm going to be a big-time workoholic, I can't be taking 3 buses and walking for a few good miles just to get from one place to another. I need to get a car and an international driver's licence. That's one good thing about the NHS - you can get a company car provided it's going to be solely used for work/leisure purposes on a limited annual mileage. So I was thinking a VW Passat..at least it's under my affordable salary range..


Like I said, I need to get my driver's licence sorted out!
I've been ever so lazy lately. I've put on so much of weight, I feel sick quite often and sometimes I just want to curl up and die of boredom. I've got this portfolio thing to sort out and since Nick is at work now and I have the computer all to myself, I might as well get a head start on it or it will never been done!
The story of my mundane life.
Toodle loos!!!! xxxx

What do I do?

I have never ever blogged about work before, because I thought, work is just an inane pile of junk that I do 8 hours a day to get the moolah to scrape through just with the necessities. But, day by day, it's getting from bad to worse.

It's so sad to say that I am very envious with other people who are so much better off than me, and I've always wondered, why did I choose this bloody job when I could be using my networks to try to scrape through another job? Reason being, I told myself, the NHS is recession-proof and the competition is not so intense because afterall, it is the 3rd largest employer in the world. And I need to learn to stick to something, now at the age of 24, rather than job hopping, and always starting again from the drawing board.

I really regret this decision. I mean, working in this job. I have gone for countless of interviews within the NHS and not nail even a single one. Half of the NHS workforce dont even have minimum qualifications, so why should I still sit back and go through my day to day life with a bunch of lowlives who cant even save a document to their desktop?

I have been having alot of troubles at work, when I personally feel I haven't done anything wrong. I just don't get it though, I've been getting lotsa praises about my work and when I had my PDR, they made me feel as though I'm the worst thing that has happened to my department? Everyday, I step into my house from work without a dry eye and smiley face. Really, am I that bad? If i was that bad, then why hire me? Why, instead of helping me with something I'm new to, they decide to pass on the task to my superior? How the fuck am I going to learn anything if I don't get proper training and education, and on-the-job training seems impossible in my department? The people I work with are all fighter cocks, I'm someone who keeps my head low and do what's been told, and really, is that so wrong? do you really want me to nose about and get into the centre of work politics? Why can't I be anonymous and great in my job in the same time.

Yeah, you have the whiny ol me, with all the complaints, boo hoo. But if anyone isn't going to cooperate with me, what can I possibly do? Crawl onto my knees in begging for them to teach me every single task and situation that happens in a very large hospital? Work never help me at all! They claim they do, but all I get are backstabbing bitches saying I'm lousy for putting my head low and doing my job. Just because I come from a different place and don't communicate like a low-class hag, doesn't mean it's wrong. But it's wrong to them.

How am I possibly going to go through another successful job when my current employer(must-be referees) are going to say 'Darshini has the worst communications skills ever, don't hire her'? I have my previous employers to back me up buy I don't know, the damage might already have been done. I swear, if I don't get a new job sooner, I will kill myself.
The medical side of the NHS is just a battle ground for oversized bitches to mess with each other's head, and a platform of discussion for trying to remove every single tint of cellulite from their centenarian-aged asses. It's not for me, not the medical side of things.

I have a job interview next Friday in a department I REALLY REALLY want to work, and even if I get the offer, it wont be confirmed until I get satisfactory references, which my current bosses WON'T give because I'm not like one of them!

Oh God I'm going to shoot myself!

Just a thought that's been occupying my mind lately..

Why is departure from this life so intensely prominent especially to figures that have made such an impact to our lives? I know everyone must be bored of their minds listening to people who second my flow of thoughts, but here's my two cents.

What's been happening in Malaysia recently baffles me. Where is the ultimate justice that we seek within a community that has lived in a monogomous, dictative society. For once the 'elite state' of Malaysia falls into the hands of a desired opposition party, then comes a wasteful death over something so petty like an unjustified fund misuse of only 2,500myr. when the government as a whole since independence have been swindling millions and millions of ringgits in the span of a few decades? poor teoh beng hock, i really hope his family and fiancee finds peace in the midst of disbelief and sheer misery that has landed upon them. i'm sure living a life in that state can be a bit too much for all of them, and i hope they heal well. and as for him, well, hope he r.i.p. :(

and then there's yasmin ahmad. she was stating her sadness, shock, and disbelief over his death on her blog, and after a few days *poof* she dropped like a swatted fly. her blog will never be updated anymore.
what saddens me is the timeline her stroke took to kill her. i work alot with researchers in our stroke rehab ward and the people heal, they heal for the better. they suffer a massive stroke and after a few years, they carry on normally with their lives, and pose a role model to their communities. and that makes me wonder, again. yasmin ahmad was a somebody, the people i work with are just common people, unknown, like me. how fragile our lives are. our lives are bound like the strength of a tiny twig. i could fall dead right now typing this blog from a cerebral edema, or a cardiac arrest from overconsumption of saturated fats, etc etc etc. why are we so superior in the biological living chain and still our tendencies to die are similiar to a dog which might be run over by a car any minute now. i hope we will all know someday. it's a deep-rooted subject and this is one thing people will have the most diverse of perspectives - when it comes to life and death.

Oh why Oh why Oh why..

OK, I definitely suck at blogging. But ever since I came home from Malaysia, I have been swamped with work, work sending me to courses all over England, and I have been babysitting.

Let's talk about Malaysia shall we? I'm sure the myriad of photography efforts all collated and published on Facebook sums up my wedding. It was an eye-opener to many people, as you can see, that most typcial Indian weddings are attended by ONLY Indian people, and since my bevy of babes and lads come from different ethnic background, the crowd was pretty much multi-ethnic, which is way cooler than a mono-ethnic crowd. Not trying to be prejudiced or am saying that my wedding was a-cut-above from the rest, but I was just amplifying the fact of this experience being an 'eye-opener' to most of the crowd. It's a shame none of my in-laws were there to see it all but it's their loss. Boo-hoo. I had an amazing time in Cambodia as well, being a big softie, I decided that 2 weddings will be complemented by 2 honeymoons. Face it, we need it as much as I hear echos of nonsense and disagreement! We are a couple but we have other things that occupy our minds - work, our own interests, forgoing our lavish lifestyle to accomodate our income to start a family, and I was thinking a post-grad course will be in line as it is necessary to compete in this recession-suffering, constantly-competitive environment. So we hardly ever spend quality time even in tbe comforts of our own sheets. So we need to et away from it all. OK, I'm going off in a tangent. What did I say? Cambodia was it? Yup! It was fun-tastic, we made our presence very prominent in the very peaceful streets of Siem Reap, and our hotel was magnificent. 5 star luxury thrown into the bosom of an urban oasis. The time spent with my family and friends, and what they have done to make my 3 1/2 weeks pleasant were priceless! I can never thank them enough! I love all of you very much, and I wish I could be there to do the deed you have tirelessly done when I was there. I'm missing all of you terribly!

I came back here, back to misery. I was bawling my heart out in the airports, planes, until I came back to Manchester. I ignored my in-laws for the first few days which was very childish of me. I just feel sometimes they don't do enough for me - me who travelled miles and miles to be with Nick. Whatever they do for me will never ever come close to the openness and generosity and love I get from home. The only thing that was bearable for me when I got back was work, miraculously. I found solace and emotional comfort from work because I am brilliant at setting aside my feelings from my professional commitments. I even stayed in the office one night because I went to the extend that going back home was all too much for me. But time healed everything. I am fine now.

Little Jonathan moved here for good, and I have agreed to babysit him. It's so sad to see him so spoilt and bratty and immature just 2 years from his possible puberty. He can't tell 5,000 to 5,000,000, can't spell very well, etc. But he is a great kid that has understood so many things people his age wouldn't understand. So I am playing mother for him for about a month til he goes back to school. He has a friend, Corey, who is one of our neighbour's kids, and he is a good kid. He plays with Jon everytime he comes over. It's a joy to take care of them kids, but I could strangle Jon sometimes for being so stubborn and rude, sometimes screaming at him can get him to listen to me.

On the other hand, I had a new nephew born on the 20/06/2009. He is called Sam. Picture of him and my brother in law:-


He is gorgeous.

It's a beautiful day out here. I'm going to go for a walk with the dog and sit under a tree and read a book at the common. Toodle loo!

xoxo

Absolutely glorious

3 more days til I haul my ass to accomodate one very lucky seat on an Emirates flight to Kuala Lumpur a.k.a. HOME! I wouldn't say I am excited, more anxious really. Going back to where it all started. I have been so acquainted with the authentic British culture, that going back will feel strange, at least for the first few days. All I know is my tastebuds will be brought back to life. I know 2 years isn't a very long time, but it just feels long..it's as though I have forgotten how is it like to be indulged into the best of Malaysian culture. But that does not mean I have forgotten my roots. nothing beats home!

the weather, oh the weather decided to be the most glorious of all the days in these 2 years i have been here. it was baking at 24 degrees and that is the ideal temprature I should be in. sadly, i have to go home to the extremely scorching hot weather + haze! god i hate haze!! Nice to have such a beautiful weather - I spent the weekend with my mother-in-law and we took Holly to the Cronkeyshaw Reservoir. We had a long walk, horses running freely across the meadows (although she tried to chase and bite all of them. *border collies*), and we had our lovely heart-to-heart chats. I can't believe how self-absorbed we've all been that reliving our good old times was bliss. Thousands of buttercups, daisies and dandelions swarming the grassy commons, making it picture perfect. Bursting them dandelion clocks has been my pasttime, watching the flowers bloom in awe as the onset of the British Summer takes place. I can't believe I will be missing the British Summer everyone seems to be so proud about and I know now why. Thankfully it came in good time - when recession bites and people can't afford to escape our typically miserable weather for the sunny shores of the Adriatic sea and the glorious Mediterranean.

I so feel like a pint of ice-cold cider and basking under the glorious summer sun in just my bikini top. But I have loads to do after blogging. I thought i'd just blog as I won't be doing that at all when i'm in malaysia. i'd be so busy like a bee.

The last week has really gotten into me. I just can't believe how stupid some people are. For example, I had booked a massage with an Aveda salon like WAAAY in advance. Only to call them to confirm my appointment, and them saying that they dont have me in the books. I'm like, wtf? What were you doing all the bloody time I was on the phone trying to book a massage? stupid or what? or just can't be tossed?! tosshead! and then there is work, the neverending saga of jealousy, hatred, and above all idiocy. i don't know why am i doing such a dignified job but only to have co-workers that are soooo outrightly stupid! i wonder how they even got the job that only people with specialised skills could do. i can't wait to leave my bloody job and get a proper one (again going back to Macclesfield - yiiipppee!!!) but then again, the summer and the good weather is the reason people have negative productivity in their systems, and they have not got back to me on my application. now that i'm not abiding work permit regulations anymore i can take and leave a job whenever i bloody please.

i.need.to.get.some.work.done.hope.i.will.have.fun.in.malaysia.and.my.first.honeymoon

tarah!

24

Hangovers...hangovers...terrible! and i forgot to wash out my eye makeup so rubbing your eyes with makeup on is lethal to your eyes. now they're teary, stinging, gritty and red. ugh.

how did i celebrate my birthday? in loneliness (oh well i'm not sure if the dog being here counts because she was such a pest yesterday). why? because it fell on a thursday, nick has to work (he couldnt get the day off) and i wasn't feeling well at all. my nose is so stuffy and runny and i've been coughing non stop. so i stayed home, and finally decided to go to work, because all my friends are working and by the time i got home from work it will be pointless for me to go out at night because it takes me 2 hours to get ready, and another hour to get into manchester. but i'm having a small house party on saturday so i'm looking forward to that.

i was disappointed because some of my friends that I would think will remember and care to wish me didn't. if they forgot, or were occupied with something else, that's fine. but i absolutely despise people who remembered but didnt care to even send a text message to convey their best wishes on someone's birthday. i knew someone who deliberately doesn't care of her friend's birthday even when she remembered. such cruelty!

i went to work and everyone felt so sorry for me I had to celebrate most of my birthday alone, i had loads of 'HAPPY BIRTHDAYS!' in my face. ah the joy. my boss told me to have the chocolates that the doctors gave her for having a fucked up day yesterday but its cruel to do that. one of the doctors gave me a beautiful purse from norfolk and got a £10 angpow from her (which was placed in the purse)

when i got home, i was in for a surprise. my husabnd, as unromantic as he is set the table up ready for a candlelit dinner for two. AND he got me a present, even when i didn't want a present, as we need to conserve every penny we can for Malaysia. what was it? a to die for assortment of luxury chocolates!!!! *screams* Annnnddd...this was sometihng out of the blue. he dipped strawberries into chocolates!! so i got strawberry chocolates, chocolates to munch on, free flow of wine AND my favourite roast dinner - lamb cooked in red wine, along with veg and beer battered onion rings!!! yuuummmmmm....so we ate and summed the day up watching devil wears prada. he fell right asleep as he had to wake up to walk the dog, and then head to work. so i ended my day in perfection - chocolate indulgence, wine and chic flick. kiks rang me and she came over at 11pm and we pretty much drank all the wine, had all the chocs and dropped dead for the day. i just sent her to the train station as she needed to get home.

i am going to party bigtime with her in july when i get back!! cant wait.

im going to go play with the dog, and lie in bed as i'm really poorly. bye for now x.