She has no time..

This song by Keane was taken from One Tree Hill Season 2, and it sparks an immense sadness whenever I listen to it. It basically is about how a girl wants to pursue her dreams and forgets where she comes from or who she belongs to, or committed to, or in love with. I also juat realised that Nick Lachey's I Can't hate you anymore is nothing but immense hurt and filled with "we could've..." notions. Its really sad. An addition to songs that make me sob is Muse's Blackout...its about death at a young age :(

To add more to this sad sad entry, I just watched Sepet and sobbed my fucken heart out, especially towards the end, when she finally reads the letter she so stupidly put one side. And when Ah Loong sobbed on his mother's lap...god I couldnt control my tears that time..why am I such a sucker for really emosh parts of songs/movies?

Sepet is one of the 3 movies I would cry and cry everytime I watch it.
First movie: About the purest friendship you can ever every get, even when death do physical seperation.
Second movie: Sepet, la!
Third movie: About the loss and regret you get when you're so pissed at what your family does to you sometimes, and when it's too late..you can't change the fact or bring it back.

But thank god I watched Sepet....I needed a really good cry.........:(

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I have an outburst of mixed emotions as my degree course comes to an end. I dont know why i'm clouded in the thickest of anxiety, sorrow, sadness, and in the same time, the utmost happiness, joy, pride, etc.

As I sat and pondered in my peejays, my cup of camomile tea(fucking period cramps), and daisy, my precious token and a substitute of Nick(in a form of a sheep, i'm weird). How I long to be hugged and caressed and cuddled up again. (I cant believe i'm crying and writing this)Being with him was nothing but joy to me, sheer, endless joy, joy cut like the finest of diamonds.

* I miss sitting with him in the dark basement, always damp and cold, and we'd be cuddling and shivering at the same time, and how I'd get a double attack of goosebumps from him and from the cold weather.
* I miss just laying by the canal banks and looking at the blue sky during summer.
* I miss going for fajitas at the Trafford Centre and Chillis KLCC (right after we've just woken up from like what....a 6 hour nap?) LOL
* I miss pillow fighting with him
* I miss wonderful dinner parties with him, his friends and family
* I miss having a beach holiday with him (i've only been to two with him)
* I miss making dandelion chains while he makes a lil flower clip and sticking it on the mounds of hair right above my ear

I cant seem to possibly write everything down...but bottomline is...

I.WANT.TO.BE.THERE.

I.DO.

I.REALLY.REALLY.DO.

Why do I miss him so much? Its been a year and a half...

I'm going insane......
I feel like curling up to my pillow and dying....
Patient? To hell the patience! I've been patient enough!
Dad, why do you have to be so bloody harsh on him? Cos he's better than you in so many ways?????!!!!
Why doesn't he understand?
What is making him so coccooned to his fucking nutshell of emptiness?
Overprotective? You must be kidding me!!

How i long for his embraces? :|
I'm immobilised
I had to get substitutes from Daniel, I can't believe it :(
I'm torn.
My will is breaking into two.

I need him.

DEB, if you're going to England in December, can I follow you?