Classic My Family quotes

I miss My Family. The whole series is over and there will be repeats from March onwards on BBC Entertainment. I'll be bloody working. Sighs..life IS unfair :|

Anyway, just like to share to you lot on some of my favourite quotes throughout the whole series.

Ben: [seeing Susan cooking] What's that?
Susan: It's my everything-in-the-fridge-stew. I'm using up all the food before it goes bad.
Ben: Smells like you're a little late.
_________________________________________

Susan: I'd like to spend our anniversary on a romantic weekend trip to Dorset.
Ben: Well, I'd like a weekend as Michelle Pfeiffer's love toy, but we all have to live with our disappointments, don't we?
___________________________________________

[Nick is trying to chat up the much-pierced hotel maid]
Nick: I'm here for the tattooist's convention, actually.
Rita: Then why haven't you got any tattoos?
Nick: I don't use ink. I'm in it for the pain.
Rita: Oh? You into S&M? B&D?
Nick: Sure, S&M, B&D, Q, LMNOP, all the letters.
______________________________________________

Man at Bar: I'll have a lager.
Nick: Coming right up.
[gives the man a green cocktail] Man at Bar: That's not a lager.
Nick: It's better. I call it a Nick-tini.
Man at Bar: I'd rather have a lager.
Nick: OK.
[pulls out another cocktail, this time a white one]
Man at Bar: What's that?
Nick: A Nick-orita. Packed full of Tequila, you'll love it.
Pub Landlord: Just give the man a lager.
Nick: Look, I can't. I don't want to point fingers, but somebody forgot to order more barrels.
Pub Landlord: You were supposed to order more.
Nick: That's why I don't want to point fingers.
Pub Landlord: You're fired.
Nick: No, wait! You haven't seen my cocktail routine!
[tosses cocktail shaker between hands, throws it up in the air, it lands on the bar and smashes]
Pub Landlord: [pause] You're still fired.
Nick: Fine, but you haven't seen the last of Nick harper!
[walks out from behind the bar, and sits down next to the other man at the bar]
Nick: I'll have a pint, it's been a rough day

HAHAHAHAHA...classic slacker ;)
___________________________________________________

Ben: [Susan finds Ben on couch reading while supposed to be playing hide and seek] Oh, you found me. Okay, now it's your turn to hide.
Susan: I've got a better game, it's called hunt the testicles.
Ben: Well you know where you hid them
__________________________________________________

[about Nick]
Susan: I didn't give him cash.
Ben: Good!
Susan: I gave him your bank card

Michael: [Reads a text message from Nick to Ben] "Tesco's out of Brie, so gn to Paris."
Ben: "Gn?"
Michael: "Prices 2 high, so gn to Nice for chse."
Ben: Mm-hmm.
Michael: "Don't worry about money. I have Dad's bnk card." Any reply?
Ben: Yep, yep.
[Michael types in reply]
Ben: "Dr Nk, u r f'd."

Susan: Harper is my slave name. I wanted to keep my name at our wedding, but a male-dominated society insisted I change it to "Harper".
Ben: I thought you liked "Harper".
Susan: It's nothing personal. But I liked my name. It was like a comfortable and cosy home. And I feel when I got married I was evicted from it. An exile to live in a hovel in a swamp filled with surly lizards.

HAHAHAHAHA...poor Ben ;)

Ben: [to Janey] How dare you not be gay? Good God! You put us through anxiety, anger, confusion, doubt, anger...
Susan: You said anger.
Ben: I was angry twice!

[Michael breaks the living room window with a bazooka]
Susan: What the hell was that?
Michael: Um, if I said it was nothing, would you believe me?
Susan: Michael!
Michael: All right, it was for my science project... on organic foods.
Susan: [spacing each word] You fired a rocket through a window?
Michael: Come on, Mum. Do you think I'm so stupid I'd launch a rocket through our living room window? It was a sausage.
Susan: Michael, you could have killed someone!
Michael: It was an organic sausage.
Susan: That's it. You're grounded until further notice.
Michael: Grounded?
Susan: Michael, you could've taken someone's eye out.
Michael: Don't be silly, it exploded before it hit anything.
Susan: [Thinks] Did Nick put you up to this?
Michael: Actually, we had been planning to start up our own high-speed food delivery service.
[Abi runs into the house]
Abi: You're not gonna believe this! I was getting off the bus, when it started raining sausage! I have prayed for this day.
Michael: See? Our first satisfied customer

Susan: Give it up, Ben. I'm a chess player, and I'm thinking three moves ahead of you.
Ben Harper: I'm playing Scrabble.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Abi: Did you know that the span of your hand added with the length of your middle finger is the same as your foot?
Ben: Did you know that the distance between my hands and your neck is closer than you think?

HAHAAH...thats about it for now, There are too many quotes that are pretty funny actually. But here's a sufficient gist :)